9.28.2011

In Between...

That's the phase of life I feel like we are in right now. 
I want to be able to enjoy being "in between," but society makes it so difficult sometimes.
We got married young-I was 20, he was 23, and some people thought that was preposterous. 
Mind you, Brandon had already graduated college.
But, I on the other hand, I was too young. 
He was making a big mistake...
Some believed we would never last. Some tried to talk us out of it. 
Some people needed to mind their own business and take a look in the mirror.

I knew in my heart that Brandon was the person God had chosen for me the moment we met. 
I know that is so cliche, but it's true.
I also believe age is just a number. 
I have always been really mature for my age, and I believe that's because of the hardships I experienced growing up. 
Plus, I am the oldest. 
I know some 50 year olds that have no business being married because they're so immature. 
I also know some adults who are totally immature within their marriages. 
So, yes, I believe age is just a number. 
The way you live: how responsible and mature you are the key factors.
But, the most important factor is how dedicated to Christ you are. 

Flash forward 5+  years. 
During that time I graduated from UGA with my Bachelor's degree. 
Brandon graduated from veterinary school at UGA with his Doctorate. 
Now some people want to know why we don't have kids yet and when in this world we are going to.
Some people want to know when we are going to "settle down" somewhere.

It doesn't matter that we are not settled, that our housing isn't kid-friendly, that God hasn't given us children yet...
Some people don't understand why we chose to move where we did. 

The truth is that those people are so caught up in being concerned about whether or not people approve of what they are doing- of what we are doing. 
But friends, living to please people is such a grave and Biblical mistake.
Thank God we've never cared much about what other people think about the decisions we make.
That in and of itself has really boggled the minds of some people, I'm sure. 

When we made the decision to get married, we consulted with God.
We leave the timing and arrival of our future children up to God.
When we decided to move where we did, we prayed for God to lead us and send us.
For us to be His hands and feet.
Does that mean it's been a bed of roses and that everything has fallen into place?
Absolutely not. 
It's hard. It's difficult. It's trying. It's completely agonizing at times.
But the beauty of it is that humility involves discomfort.
And what a sweet reward humility is.
Because the discomfort we feel is nothing compared to the discomfort Jesus felt on the cross.
But feeling discomfort and pain humbles us and brings us closer to Him.

In our Beth Moore study we are discussing the kings that reigned during the prophet Isaiah's lifetime.
King Hezekiah "did what was right in the eyes of the Lord and he sought the Lord."
He was a truly remarkable king, yet as the years passed his heart became filled with pride.
He began to view his belongings and treasures as his own, then he began to show them off. 

People do the same thing every single day. 
People tend to flaunt their treasures to the godless, enjoying their favor and approval. 
How easy is that to do?
I am guilty of it at times, too. We all are. 

Now that I am 25 and Brandon is 28, because we've been married for over 5 years, because we do not yet have our own children, because we do not live in a nice subdivision house, because I do not have a "real career,"...the list goes on...we are in between
We are trying to enjoy it and be thankful for it, even though some people don't understand it.
But, it's not for them to understand. 

Most of our closest friends are older than us and already have children and are settled. 
But, that's okay. Age is just a number. 
I can remember being a student at UGA and no one wanted to make "lifelong friends" with me because I was married. 
I was actually told that multiple times. 
Many of the girls in my major could not believe I was married-they would say things like: "I can't imagine being married. I am way too immature to be married. What do y'all do every night? Isn't it boring? Don't you wish you could go downtown and hangout more often..."
I hope those girls find what they are looking for. 
You know, they all had the college, dating, career, marriage order of things planned out...
That is what society tells us to plan. 
But, what has God called us to do?

Having the faith to follow His commands at His appointed time takes courage.
Beth Moore says, "Sometimes faith is the absence of fear. Other times faith may be choosing to believe God even when your heart is melting with fear. Perhaps then, faith is tested by what we do with fear, not whether we have it."
Isn't that so true?
Being "in between" isn't always fun or easy.
Being in the "waiting room" can be absolutely torturous. 
I can talk you you for hours on just how torturous it really can be. 
Especially when you take a look around at what everyone else has. 
I can talk to you about the lessons I've learned about it...and those I still am learning.
But bringing your vision and focus back to the One who gives us everything we have...
It takes courage. It takes faith. It takes strength we didn't know we had.
It takes not caring about what some people think or have. 
It takes being humble before the Lord. 
And being grateful, oh so grateful.

While you are waiting, while you are in between, take heart in these wonderful and true statements Beth makes:
" Truly God is compassionate. He hears the cries of just and the unjust, the righteous and the unrighteous. We will never be able to figure out why God responds differently to the cries He hears; but we trust He is always good, always right, and always loving. He cannot love us any more or less than He does this moment. His healing hand has nothing to do with loving one person more than another. If our liberty in Christ is going to be a reality in life, we are going to have to learn to walk in the freedom of Christ, independent of everyone else we know."
WOW! Truth, my friends, sweet truth.

Christ will love and us deliver no matter who we are married to, how many kids we have, what our jobs are, what kind of house we live in, what kind of car we drive, what kind of clothes we wear...
He only cares about the condition of our hearts.
He longs for us to cry out to Him in prayer and thanksgiving.
Especially while we are "in between and in the waiting room."

"The Lord Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, He is the one you are to fear, He is the one you are to dread..." not some people
Isaiah 8:13

30 comments:

  1. Wonderfully said girl! I can understand being in an inbetween stage and your point about age being just a number. I am 25 also and Stephen is 32, so we hear about age all the time. My family was shocked that I was marriying soomeone so much older, but they did not understand that age is just a number. It really is. God has wonderful plans for all of us, we just have to wait on his timing. It's easier said than done though! Praying for you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. What a great message, Cherish! This was just what I needed to hear today! Its so true that pride gets in the way of a servant's heart - I know I have been there. It takes so much to put pride aside, but it is what He wants of us. I appreciate your truthfulness, and can definitely relate to the "no friends for the married girl" statement... I am a military wife, and it seems harder and harder to find friends when we move. Thanks for sharing this post! :)
    -shannon

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a beautiful post! It brings to mind the quote by Frost “Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference".

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've been reading your blog for a few months now and I just had to comment on this and THANK you for posting it. I am a newlywed (married just at about at year) and my husband and I got married young, too. He was 22 - I was 21. He was done with school - I still had a year. We heard (and still hear) the same condemnation of "being too young" and that "we would never last" - but I also knew that God had knit our lives together in His timing and plan (and we did have others - like some close friends/our parents/mentors) who agreed with us. As much as I LOVE being married and know that we made the right choice, we are also in that "in between" stage. And it's hard. We're young and married and most of our friends are either:
    a) our age & single/maybe dating or b)In the late 20s - early 30s with kiddos; this is fine because we love our friends dearly, but sometimes it would be awesome to have more friends our age that could relate to "married life".

    Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you so much for posting this today... it really spoke to my heart & blessed my morning <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you for posting this Cherish!!! I feel like you have just told my story. Your faith is so refreshing to see. Just keep focused on the LORD and ignore the doubtful people. Our LORD God has a plan for us all!

    Love your friend, Amy :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. While I was reading this post, I thought about John Waller's song "While I'm Waiting". I know you have probably heard it, but it is an awesome song about the in between/waiting period in our lives! I love your blog, your faith is refreshing. I can't wait to see what God has in store for you and Brandon when this phase comes to an end, but in the meantime I love hearing about your life on the farm :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Well said! I got a lot of flack for marrying young too and A LOT of people thought we were crazy for marrying my high school sweetheart. 3 years and I've never once regretted it. Now everyone keeps wondering when we are going to settle down and have kids. It's so tiring trying to live up to everyone's own timelines, I loved this post!

    ReplyDelete
  8. It's hard finding out where you fit in the grand scheme of things. Kudos to you for acknowledging the difficulty of being in this stage in your life. We were totally there not so long ago. Folks we had considered to be good friends didn't want to grow up and were immature, but on the other hand everyone else was married with kids. Now we're the "old folks with a baby." I wish there was a place I could go where I wasn't Sarah-the-mama, or Sarah-the-wife, or Sarah-the-etc. and just be Sarah! Wish we were close and we could send the boys off duck hunting and just hang out!

    ReplyDelete
  9. My husband and I also got married really young. It was actually a month before my 20th birthday. People said we wouldn't make it but here we are almost 10 years later and still going strong. Thanks for writing such a beautiful and heartfelt post.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Ohhh I hear ya on this... it is sooo EASY for people to judge or question as to why things are the way the are, but it's like they are clueless in the sense that somethings in our lives are NOT IN OUR CONTROL!! I'm sooo sick of making excuses so that people can be somewhat satisfied with my answers, that they might just drop it, because THEY DON'T GET IT! If they only knew that my patience is wearing thin... I don't want to be in the waiting room, but that is where I am STUCK!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Cherish,
    This is perfect. I tell you, it's crazy that people act this way everywhere. I have the opposite issue of you. Everyone in my hometown gets married between about 18-22. I'm 27 and still single and I get SO. MUCH. PRESSURE. about that. It seems as though no matter what decisions you make, people judge you for them. And that's just ridiculous. If you find the person God sent for you when you're 20, why can't we be happy? And if it takes until you're 27, why can't we be happy too?

    I feel you on being in the "waiting room" (great way to put it!) and I know how frustrating it is to have no control over when the wait is over. But I sort of think that maybe these times of waiting--as hard as they are--have a value that we do not understand. Maybe we have lessons that we need to learn that God can teach us in no other way.

    So good for you for being obedient and waiting. Here's to our waits ending soon! :)

    ~Tiffany
    http://tiffanyd22.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  12. Perfectly put. I feel like no matter what I do someone is going to not approve... I feel like I will be ready to be married soon, while others think that's crazy. Kids are a big priority to me and I hope to stay home with them for a time if I can... some think that's career suicide. Some friends are older and aren't married yet... some people see that as NEVER getting married. The list goes on and on. Thank you for reminding me that as long as I seek the Lord for what's next in my life, I will always be on the right track. I don't have to be insecure over what others will or will not approve of. If I am wholeheartedly seeking the Lord, I will be on the right path! I love reading your words so much, Cherish. You bless me!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Love your post, Cherish. There is no 'right' time to have kids or anything else, except for what is right between you, your husband, and God. I got married at 20 as well- I lost many friends and met much opposition as well. We have a 3 year old and are adopting a 2nd, but I always have to remind myself not to get in a rush to do everything at once. I know I don't ever post here, but I have enjoyed your blobs so much lately I couldn't resist!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh Cherish, I love this post! Ryan and I didn't get married "really" young, but most of our friends are all much older with children. It's hard for us to make friends with people our own age because they're still wanting to party and go out and we are past that. We both experienced that much earlier and while it was fun while it lasted we like to spend our money and time other ways.

    I believe you and Brandon are making choices that are best for you as a couple. Only you can decide when to get married, when the right time to have children is, etc.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This post fits me to a T in my current life right now except im single, done with school, no babies and no big girl job while others are married, in big girl jobs, or and have babies along with done with school! I'm definately in the waiting room as you put it :) Thanks for sharing girl ! Xxoo

    ReplyDelete
  16. No big girl job yet * let me rephrase that ;)

    ReplyDelete
  17. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete
  18. My sweet friend. How my heart pours out for you reading this. I seriously want you to write my devotional book to read each morning. You have something a lot of women don't have, though they may appear to have 'everything else', you have something irreplaceable.. something that can't be taught. You have WISDOM and a relationship with an amazing Lord and Savior. That is something nothing can compete with. I feel your heart, here I am ... 25... with no prospects whatsoever working my butt off just to pay rent and eat ramen noodles, but I sit and wait for the LORD's timing. It's frustrating at times, I can't tell you how many folks have already called me an old maid. Like Beth said... 'learn to walk in the freedom of Christ, independent of everyone else we know.'


    Love you. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  19. Cherish, this post brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for being a huge encouragement to me today. I am a "stay-at-home daughter" who wants to do what I feel God is leading me to do. And that is not to go to college right now. He has given me a full-time babysitting job with a family I LOVE and He has given me the opportunity to become a Pampered Chef consultant. I turn 20 in a couple weeks and that's all people want me to do-os go to college. I have gotten so many hurtful comments about me staying at home with my family. All I have ever wanted to do is be a wife and mother, and I know God's timing is always perfect. It's just hard telling people that I'm trusting Him for the answers and timing :) I would definitely say that I am in the "in-between stage of life"! And because of God, I am enjoying every minute of it.
    Thank you so much for writing this today and I am praying for you and your husband!! Some people just need to stay quiet sometimes and let God take control! I hope you have a great day!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I loved this!!

    My husband and I were young when we got married too, same as you 20 and 23. I will say it was hard in ways.. but I knew that he was my partner, that God chose him for me. God has a plan for you and your husband and I think your doing great:)

    ReplyDelete
  21. wow. I love this so much. first, I truly admire y'all's ability to focus on what God wants for your life and to not let society bring you down.

    Feeling "in-between" or like you're falling behind (in my case) is so difficult. Yet that is often the time that God does the most work in us. I think it's b/c we are so vulnerable and weak for a lack of a better word.

    Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this! so uplifting :)

    ReplyDelete
  22. Best post ever! Thank you so much for sharing...exactly what I needed to hear in my "in between."

    ReplyDelete
  23. What a great post, girl :)

    I've always felt more mature too. I love where I am in my life right now and wouldn't have it any other way :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Cherish, Your message really touched me today. I too, am in the waiting room of life right now. I recently moved to Augusta to obtain my RN & I am in my mid-30s. I often look around and wonder when is my time going to come for marriage & children, but I just have to keep the faith!!!Don't let what anyone says get you down (although it is easier said than done). You know who you are & what you are. I think that it is great you got married so young! I wish God would have sent me my soul mate at a such a young age, but I know He has a plan for me. I envy your farm life (that has always been a dream too). Children will come in time. The way I see it, you and Brandon are very settled and do not let anyone tell you different!!!

    ReplyDelete
  25. Cherish this post warms my heart!

    I too am in that in-between stage. My boyfriend is 23 and already graduated while I am 21 and finishing up my undergrad this May. He decided to stay in NC (instead of returning to GA) to be with me until I graduate. This way we can move on together. So many people have said that I shouldn't be holding him back and that we are too young for this kind of commitment. (We aren't even engaged.) He chose to stay, I never once asked him. It has always hurt me when people say these kinds of things but we know that God wants us to be together and we will be married one day. The time just isn't right and a wedding and ring are not in our financial plan just yet. Thank you so much for such a heart felt post! You lifted my spirits!!! <3

    Jackie

    ReplyDelete
  26. I am doing this study right now, too. Love this post and the study!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I love this post. I seriously want to print it out and carry it in my purse so I can reference it every time a friend tries to tell me what I should be doing with my life.

    Thanks for being so genuine- we all appreciate it!

    ReplyDelete
  28. Just what I needed, Cherish! Jay and I aren't married, but it's so hard being "in-between." I like to go out and have fun, but not to party hard like a lot of people my age. Then on the other hand, everyone is always asking us, "when are y'all gonna get married?" "why are you waiting so long, you know you CAN get married while you're still in school!" and "why are you gonna wait so long to have kids?". I don't understand why people act like there are only so many paths to take in life, lol, but here I am, zig-zagging around and sometimes backtracking a little!

    This has been on my mind a lot lately, and I've been frustrated by it, but like I said, this post was just what I needed! Thank you! :)

    ReplyDelete
  29. I know this post is older but I just saw your blog today for the first time. Good for you to choose the life that God planned for you and not listen to others. You are very wise for your years and perhaps others should take note. Your blog is adorable as is your little dogs :) Be blessed :)

    ReplyDelete

I sure do love hearing from y'all-you make my day!